like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
