Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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