just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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