I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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