I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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