seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
