She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
