he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize