my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drake has all the answers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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