did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
