her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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