They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
