You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
