There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Randomize
