I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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