i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
