She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize