i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
