His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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