Midget sex pt 2 tonight
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize