I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
