I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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