a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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