Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
