Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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