I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
