i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
