i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
