A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
