I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
