Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
