I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
