I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
