He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
