You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
