So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize