Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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