you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
