i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
