I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
