Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
