So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
