he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Two words: blizzard sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
