addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
