I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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