I heard we made out
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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