ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
