Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
