Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think my tv is drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
