Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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