First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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