Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
