Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
