dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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