We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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