a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize