I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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