Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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