I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
