O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
