FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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