When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
