Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
