i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
