That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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