I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
