Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
