"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
