Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
