I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
