Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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